


Consequences

by madwriteson



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:06:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24379180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madwriteson/pseuds/madwriteson
Summary: Jeannie tries to go back to a normal life after finding out about Atlantis and discovers that she can't.But her husband can't cope with her leaving him and their daughter behind either, and as her marriage falls apart, she finds herself drawn to the man who has been offering her both friendship and advice.(Set after the 3rd season episode "McKay and Mrs. Miller" and ignores most to all of the canon following that, primarily because the author has not seen most of it yet.)
Relationships: Jeannie Miller/Radek Zelenka, Rodney McKay & Jeannie Miller, Rodney McKay & Radek Zelenka
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

Jeannie Miller hadn’t expected the way her life had changed in those months after her brother had appeared at her door and lead her into a universe far beyond the one she’d been living in. Had never expected that she would be working at a top-secret military base in a different galaxy. After all, who could have predicted that?

The military part still chafed at her. Hell, so did the top-secret part of it. But now that she was a part of it, now that she had been to Atlantis…

She had tried to go back to Earth. To go back to her life, as it had been, to her husband and daughter, to a world where she was just a mother of a little girl who seemed to be growing faster every day.

She hadn’t been able to.

And now she was dealing with the consequences.

“How is your family?” Radek’s attention remained on the console in front of him, a kindness Jeannie appreciated.

“My husband and I are... taking a break.” It was easier to say it that way than to admit her marriage was falling apart, that Kaleb had asked for a divorce the last time she’d gone home.

Radek glanced sideways at her. “He does not approve of your work here?”

“He doesn’t approve of me leaving him and Madison for months at a time. Leaving Maddie, especially,” she said with a sigh. “For that matter, neither do I.”

“But you are still here.” The words were carefully neutral, no accusation contained within them, but they made her bristle all the same.

“Yeah, I am.” She rounded on him. “Because I kept imagining the sort of destruction on Earth that has happened to most of the planets here in Pegasus. Because I kept having nightmares about a Wraith sucking all the life out of my little girl’s body. Because I—“

“Mrs. Miller. Jeannie. Please.” Radek held his hands up defensively. “You are not the first person to have their relationship fall apart because they found a greater purpose.”

She looked him over, a frown pulling down the corners of her mouth. “That’s not how I’d put it.”

“Defending Earth is only part of it. But... you are thriving here. Because some part of you has always lived in the land of the theoretical just beyond the physics we already knew applied to the real world.” He gestured at the lab around them and raised his eyebrows meaningfully. “Here it is not so theoretical. What physicist would not want to spend their life discovering where the new theory lies?”

Jeannie stared silently at him, resenting the question. But wasn’t it the truth?

After a moment Radek turned back to the console. She didn’t think he was working, or at least not on anything outside of his mind, but he seemed distracted enough that she could study him at her leisure without him noticing.

“Who did you leave behind?” she blurted out.

He blinked several times, as if waking up from a doze. “My brother. My sister. My nephew. And...” his fingers pressed into the edge of the console, going white-knuckled under the pressure. “My wife.” He let out a dark little chuckle. “Ex-wife, now. Before we even managed to make contact with Earth again. Filed for divorce on the grounds of abandonment, and I cannot blame her.” He blinked several times more, quickly this time, and then lifted one of his hands to rub across his eyes, shoving his glasses to his forehead as he did. “I expected it to be a one-way trip. I went into this knowing the cost.”

“Any regrets?” Jeannie asked softly.

He lowered his glasses back to his face and adjusted them carefully, settling them on his nose. “Not as many as I should have.” He glanced at her again, swift and sideways. “You?”

“I imagine I’ll have plenty.” She sighed. “But right now? Not as many as I should have.”

* * *

“Stay away from my sister.”

Radek raised his eyebrows and looked over the top of glasses at Rodney. “Sorry?”

“You heard me.” Rodney crossed his arms protectively over his chest, practically bristling with indignation as he glared down at Radek.

“She and I are friends.” And friends they would remain. “And we are coworkers. I cannot exactly avoid her.”

“And what were you talking about this morning, hm?” Rodney snorted. “And don’t say she was telling you embarrassing stories about my childhood, I’m pretty sure she’s run out of those by now.”

Radek thought back to that morning. He and Jeannie had eaten breakfast together, had talked about… what had they talked about? He could not even remember. She had been in a bad mood that morning, and he had done what he could to tease her out of it. “We were just talking,” he said. “You could have joined us if you were worried about something.”

“You were flirting with her.”

“Rodney. Please.” Radek turned back to his laptop. “I was trying to cheer her up.”

“What makes it your job to cheer her up?”

“She is my friend. And she is going through a difficult time. Why should it not be my job to cheer her up?”

“Difficult time?” A slight hint of anxiety made its way into Rodney’s voice. “Right. Yes. Of course it’s difficult time for her. Which is why you shouldn’t be taking advantage of her while she’s… while she’s vulnerable.”

Something about the way Rodney said that made Radek turn to look at him again. “Do you even know what is happening in your sister’s life right now?”

“Of course I do!” Rodney snapped. “And, if you don’t mind, I’m just going to go have a chat with her about it.”

“You do that.” And with luck, Jeannie would be able to talk her brother out of whatever worry he seemed to have about her relationship with Radek.

About her friendship with Radek.

Because that was all they could be. Friends.

Radek shook his head to clear it and turned back to work.

* * *

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Honestly, Mer? Because I was pretty sure you’d lead with ‘I told you so,’ and I couldn’t cope with that on top of everything else.” Jeannie sank back against the wall at the head of her bed, tucking her knees to her chest.

“Jeannie…” Rodney reached for her, then pulled back when she shrank away from him. “All right, so maybe I would have. A year ago. But… I’ve seen you together now.I might not agree with your decisions, but you love your husband.”

Jeannie let out a snort of laughter through the tears that were pouring down her cheeks now. “You’ve forgotten his name again, haven’t you.”

Rodney flopped back on the lower half of Jeannie’s bed. “Okay, yeah, but that doesn’t make it any less true. You love him. And Maddie.”

“I do.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I can’t keep them safe if I stay home.” She wiped hastily at her cheeks with her sleeves. “And Kaleb can’t… he says he can’t keep doing this. Can’t keep waiting the way he is. Can’t keep answering Maddie’s questions when he doesn’t know what to say. And it’s not fair to either of them.”

“Okay, but it’s not like a divorce is going to solve all of that.” Rodney wiggled his shoulders to settle himself, a familiar movement that reverberated through the bed and soothed her, just a little. “Seems pretty selfish, if you ask me.”

“And you’d know about selfish,” she muttered, straightening one of her legs a little to nudge his shoulder with her toes.

“Yeah.” He sighed. “You think he’s having an affair or something?”

“I don’t know.” Jeannie leaned her forehead against her knees. Could he be? Would it matter if he were? “He hasn’t talked about anyone in particular the times I’ve been home.”

“Hey, you keep telling me he’s an intelligent man. It’s not like he’d brag about it to his wife.” There was a contemplative silence for a moment, before Rodney inevitably broke it. “You’re not having an affair, are you?”

“ _MEREDITH._ ” Jeannie nudged her brother with her toes again, this time in a way that was much closer to a kick.

He threw his hands up in surrender. “I don’t think you would! I just… the amount of time you’re spending with Radek…”

“We’re _friends._ ” Jeannie glared over her knees at her brother. “Men and women _can_ be friends, you know.” She swallowed hard. “And he’s been giving me some advice. About how to cope with it.”

“What would he know about it?” Rodney asked flippantly.

“Seriously?”

“What?”

“I knew you could be self-centered, Mer, but _honestly_ , this goes way beyond.”

Rodney sat up to look at her in confusion. “Are you saying Radek’s divorced?”

“His wife left him during the months that Atlantis was out of contact with Earth. Back at the start of the expedition.” Jeannie frowned at her brother. “You didn’t know?”

Rodney shook his head. “He never said.”

“Or he said and you didn’t pay attention.”

“Maybe.” Rodney bent over, elbows on his knees, his head hanging. “I guess I’m a really bad friend, huh. If I didn’t even know that about him.”

“You guess?” Jeannie asked acerbically.

“Okay, fine! I’m a bad friend and I’m a worse brother!” Rodney flung his hands in the air and flopped violently back on the bed again, rubbing his hands over his face. “You happy?”

“At least you know it.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Oh, come on. You know I love you, Mer.”

He sighed. “Love you too, Jeannie.”

She poked him with her toes again. “Anyway, get out of here. I want some time alone to marinate in my feelings.”

Rodney sat up again, but made no effort to get up off the end of her bed. “Look, just… just talk to me next time, okay? I do care about what’s going on in your life. Even if I’m really bad at being your brother.”

Jeannie forced a smile into the corners of her mouth. “Sure.”

He studied her face for a moment before letting out a dubious-sounding snort, then got to his feet and left her room. Jeannie hugged her knees tighter to her chest and tried to breathe.

It would be fine. She would be going back to Earth soon, and she and Kaleb would sit down and talk about this like adults, and she would find the right words to convince him that it was important, the work she was doing here.

And everything would be fine.

* * *

Radek opened his door to a brisk and slightly desperate-sounding knock. “Jeannie. I did not think you would be back so soon.”

She forced a smile onto her face. “Thought I’d come say hi.” She glanced down, and Radek reached up to cover his chest instinctively. He had been half asleep and definitely not dressed for company when her knock had jolted him out of bed and to the door on autopilot.

“Let me put on trousers. And a shirt,” he said, his voice strangely hoarse to his own ears

“I want to go on a walk. Could we go on a walk?” She met his eye, her expression strangely desperate.

“Yes, of course. Just a moment.” He could not quite bring himself to shut the door entirely in her face, so he left it cracked as he went scrambling for yesterday’s dirty clothing, discarded next to his bed where he had clambered out of it the night before. “Let me just get my shoes…”

“Take your time.” But her voice was both tired and impatient, and he rushed through the job of tying his shoes despite her words.

“What is wrong?” he asked when he joined her again in the hall.

She shook her head and started briskly down the hall, and Radek followed along in her wake as she made her way out of the section of the city that housed the members of the expedition. Finally, she made her way to one of the balconies and came to a halt there, clinging to the balustrade and facing out into a brisk, salty wind. Radek stepped up to her side, a decorous distance between them.

“Jeannie, what is wrong?” he asked softly.

“You know, I never would have thought to look for it if my stupid brother hadn’t brought it up,” she said with a harsh little laugh. “He’s having an affair.”

Radek did not know how to react. “Your husband?”

She nodded stiffly, her eyes wide, as if hoping the wind would keep tears from forming. A strategy he had used himself, from time to time. “Not a physical one. Or he claimed it wasn’t. But… _god._ ” Jeannie slammed her fist down on the balustrade. “I can’t even blame him for relying on someone else for his emotional needs, can I? Not when I’ve spent six out of the past seven months in a different galaxy.”

“How did you find out?”

“I asked.” She let out a harsh laugh. “I sat down with him and I asked him if there was someone else. And he didn’t even have the heart to lie to me about it.” She let out another laugh that had more in common with a scream. “I thought I could go back there and we would figure it out like adults, and then I went and forced the damn issue. And then I ran away from my problems. Like a _child._ ”

Radek shook his head. “Nothing childish about it.” He turned towards her, held out his arm. “Come here?”

She looked at him, raw fury and exhaustion warring for primacy over her expression, looked at his wide-spread arm. And then she took one step towards him and folded herself against his chest, her head dropping hard against his shoulder, her arms coming around his waist. Radek wrapped his arms around her and held her as she sobbed, trying not to notice how easily her body fit itself to his.

“It will be all right. I promise,” he murmured against her hair as he rubbed a hand slowly up and down her spine.

He knew it was an empty promise, but he made it to her anyway, the way he had made it to himself nearly two years before.

And maybe for her, those words might actually come true.

* * *

Jeannie threw herself into work. Into trying to find a solution to Atlantis’s power generation problems, into trying to find a way to defeat the Wraith, into trying to find weapons that would work against the Ori. Into a world of numbers and theories, where the most stressful part of her day was likely to be an argument with her brother, not…

She didn’t think about Kaleb if she could help it. His infidelity, the way he’d admitted it, still sat beneath her breastbone like an open wound, ready to send a jolt of pain through her system every time she brushed against it.

At least she could trust him to keep their daughter safe. At least there was one way in which her judgement had been solid.

She missed Maddie. Had already missed so much of her, and each new set of photos and videos from home drove the pain deeper, and each video message she recorded for her daughter drove it deeper even still. But she couldn’t bring herself to go home.

So work it was.

She had always hated war. Ironic, really, that she now found herself on the front lines of one. But at least she had no illusions about what her work was going to be used for, eventually.

Radek was kind, in his way. More cognizant of her emotions and the reason for them than her brother was, at the very least, and almost always capable of teasing her into a better frame of mind when those emotions turned dark. She knew she was strong enough to face this on her own if she had to, but she was glad she did not have to, all the same. All she had to do was come to his door and ask him to go on a walk with her and he was there at her side, ready and willing to listen to her exorcise her emotions one at a time.

“Why do you put up with me?” she asked him finally, on a walk that had started with a discussion about their latest foray into recharging Atlantis’s sole ZPM and had ended up with her ranting, yet again, about the slow dissolution of her marriage.

Radek gave her a very strange look. “You are my friend. And I understand.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and let out a little huff of laughter. “I would have given quite a lot to have someone listen to me the same way, when I was still hurting.”

“Does it stop hurting, then?” Her voice was broken and painful in her throat.

He shrugged awkwardly. “Less. It hurts less.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Another of those strange looks, and then a shake of his head. “No point in retreading the past that way.”

That made Jeannie angry, for some reason. “Didn’t you love her?”

“I still do.” His voice was quiet, and he blinked rapidly, as if trying not to cry. “But she chose not to wait. And I could not promise that I would return. So I cannot blame her for choosing to move on.” He let out another soft laugh and removed his hands from his pockets to gesture expansively at the structure around him. “And I have found a new love here.”

“Atlantis.”

He nodded and shoved his hands back in his pockets. “This place is…” He sighed. “Well, you know.”

“Yeah. I know.” And maybe in time, it would be enough.

* * *

“Jeannie?”

She did not stir at the sound of her name, her face buried in her folded arms on top of a table, her laptop open at her elbow, the screen dark. Radek pulled out the chair next to hers and sat, leaning on one elbow, watching her for a long, quiet moment. Her shoulders rose and fell slowly with each steady breath, and he wanted to let her keep sleeping while she could. The past month had been nothing but one emergency after another, and everyone was exhausted.

But for all that she was not quite as old as he was, she was still old enough that sleeping on a table like that for too long would leave her with a terrible crick in her neck. He reached out and shook her gently by the shoulder. “Jeannie.”

She shifted under his hand, turned her head towards him and blinked sleepily at him. “Radek.” She stretched her arms out before pushing herself upright. “How long was I out?”

He shook his head. “I have no idea.”

“Mm.” She tilted her head carefully from side to side and winced. “A little too long, apparently.” And then she rolled her chair closer to his and leaned her head against his shoulder, a quiet show of affection that left Radek’s heart thumping wildly in his chest.

“It seems it will be a quiet day for once,” he said, trying to ignore his body’s reaction to Jeannie so close and comfortable against him. “You should go to bed.”

“Comfy here,” she murmured, nestling the top of her head closer to his neck.

“Jeannie…” He turned his head slightly, rendering her profile just barely visible if he glanced down.

“You should come to bed with me.”

Radek’s eyes widened involuntarily. “That sounds like the stress talking.”

She sighed, her breath warm against his chin. “Probably.” And then her head tilted slightly against him and her lips brushed against his jaw, warm and soft. “Stubble,” she murmured, the kiss turning into a nuzzle.

“I do need to shave,” he said breathlessly, knowing he should tell her to stop and not quite being able to bear to.

“’S nice,” she mumbled, pressing another kiss to his jaw.

Radek held his breath, incapable of moving, either to encourage her or push her away.

Fortunately, the sound of voices from outside the lab made the decision for him. Jeannie sat up straight and cleared her throat. “You’re right. I’d better go get some sleep in a real bed.” When he glanced her way, her face was flushed pink and her eyes seemed a little wide and wild, but she did not say another word to him as she packed up her work and left the lab.

And Radek was left alone, wondering what in the world had just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Jeannie threw herself down on her bed when she got back to her quarters, still too overwhelmed with embarrassment to even consider falling asleep again. What the hell had she been thinking?

She’d been thinking that Radek’s eyes had looked very kind. And that his shoulder had been warm, and that…

Damn. Shit. _Fuck._ How had she not noticed that she was starting to feel something for him? When he’d been so solid and dependable and just _there_.

But she couldn’t trust that feeling. Not right now. Not when her personal life was such a mess, not when she’d forced her emotions on Radek the way she had. This had to be a reaction to the strange intimacy that had sprung up between them these past months, as her marriage slowly dissolved. She would have latched on to anyone who had taken the time to listen to her the way he had. She was sure of it.

Her mind flashed to the last time she’d seen Radek smile, an elated grin when he had completed repairs on a set of controls that had been on the fritz just in time to prevent a large chunk of the city from flooding. His eyes had crinkled at the corners and his entire posture had gone slack with relief, and even in her memory she had wanted to kiss him, just for a moment.

She needed to get a good night’s sleep, that was all. With any luck, Radek had been sleep deprived enough himself that he would forget about her little slip-up in the lab by the next time she saw him. Because if this changed things—if she’d offended him, or even just given him reason to be awkward with her going forward—she didn’t think she could bear it. She needed him too much.

That was the last thought in her head before she fell asleep.

It turned out she was going to be the awkward one. Jeannie spent the next week trying to be normal around Radek and failing entirely. At least he didn’t seem to have taken her impulsive advances as anything but sleep deprivation and stress making themselves known, if he remembered them at all. He certainly acted as if he didn’t remember them, didn’t treat her any differently than he usually did, but she found herself unable to relax in his presence all the same.

It was a surprise when she opened her door one evening to a knock and found him standing outside.

“Radek? Something wrong?”

He shook his head. “I was wondering if you wanted to go on a walk. It has been a while.” He met her eye as he spoke, his gaze very intent, and she shied away from it.

“I’m tired.” She tried not to shut the door in his face right then.

“Then sleep well.” His voice was soft with sympathy, and she couldn’t bear to look up at his face.

But then he turned to leave, and she couldn’t bear the thought of watching him walk away from her, either. Her hand shot out and grabbed him by the wrist, and he turned back with a startled expression.

“Jeannie?”

She tugged him into her room and he only put up a token resistance, stumbling slightly over his own feet but not making a sound as she shut the door behind him and pulled him close, as she buried her face against his neck and pressed a kiss against the flutter of his pulse in his throat. And then she lifted her head from his shoulder and looked him in the eye before pulling him into a proper kiss.

He only hesitated for a moment, and then his hands were on her face, holding her steady as he kissed her back, responding to the cautious touch of her tongue against his upper lip with a soft, open mouth that worked against hers with just as much passion as she was showing him.

It was strange, kissing a man almost exactly her height. No straining onto her tiptoes to meet his mouth, no cramp in her neck from having it tilted at an awkward angle. Just heat and comfort and yes, more than a little lust.

Radek broke the kiss with a groan, eyes that had fallen shut fluttering open to look at her. And then, as if he couldn’t resist, he dropped another light kiss on her lips, and another, small, soft explorations that left her wanting to plaster herself to his body.

And then he asked a question that shattered the moment entirely.

“Am I your revenge, Jeannie?” His voice was very quiet and very careful, and his eyes intent on hers once more.

Jeannie stared back at him, wide-eyed, trying to make sense of those words, not knowing how to answer them. “Would it matter if you were?”

Radek looked stricken for a moment so brief she thought she had just imagined it, and then he sighed and shook his head. “No. Probably not. But I would prefer to know what this is before it begins.”

She took a step back and he released her, standing there in front of her, a forlorn expression on his face. And as much as she wanted him, as much as she wanted to say that this wasn’t about getting back at Kaleb for cheating on her… she couldn’t say those words and mean it.

And she wouldn’t do that to Radek.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry,” she said, taking another step back so that she wouldn’t fling herself into his arms again.

He smiled, a little sadly, and held his hands up disarmingly. “Do not concern yourself about it.”

“Can we still be friends?” The words came out more anxiety-laden than she had meant them to, and she took another step back, wrapping her arms protectively around her chest.

The smile was no longer there, but his eyes were soft and understanding when she met his gaze once more. “Of course. I would not want anything else.”

“Thank you.”

His only answer was a nod, and after a moment where the silence stretched so taut between them that Jeannie thought she could have cut it with a knife, he turned and left her room without another word.

* * *

Radek realized he was stumbling like a drunk man when he accidentally ran into a wall on the walk back to his own quarters. He put his hand to it and leaned there, trying to catch his breath.

Well. _Well._

At least it had not been his imagination, that other day in the lab. At least it had not been entirely one-sided, this attraction he had been denying for months.

This attraction he would have to continue to deny, if he wanted to have any chance of working with Jeannie as normal. It should be easy enough. He had become used to denying himself such acknowledgements of his own feelings.

But just for a moment longer, he would savor the memory of those kisses. Would savor the heat of her mouth on his, the soft pant of her breath against his lips, the way her pupils had been blown dark with desire when she had looked at him.

He groaned and leaned further against the wall, pressing his forehead against it to help cool his suddenly burning face.

“Dr. Zelenka? Radek? Are you all right?”

Carson. Not the worst person who could have possibly found him in this state, but an interruption Radek resented, all the same. He waved his hand vaguely to his side in a “move along” gesture. “I am fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” Radek’s waving hand was caught up by Carson’s, and he felt two fingers against his wrist as the other man checked his pulse. “You don’t feel fine, either. Your heart rate is elevated. Have you been exerting yourself?”

Radek lifted his head from the wall and turned it enough to glare over his shoulder at Carson. “Not exactly.”

“And you’re flushed.” Before Radek could react, Carson—no, Dr. Beckett, he was definitely in doctor mode right now—had the back of his hand on Radek’s forehead. “Elevated temperature as well. Perhaps I ought to take you in for a check-up.”

Radek gritted his teeth and moved Carson Beckett up a few rows on his mental list of the worst people to encounter in his current state. “I think you will find that these symptoms will disappear in a moment or two. I simply find myself…” he sighed and shut his eyes. “In a state of emotional distress,” he finished bitterly, feeling a frown pull at the corners of his mouth. “I will be fine.”

“Ah.” Dr. Beckett paused meaningfully. “I suppose I could make you an appointment with Dr. Heightmeyer?”

“That will not be necessary.” And Radek’s blush was receding. He stood up straight and smoothed his hands down the front of his shirt. If nothing else, this encounter had been like a splash of cold water to his face, flinging him back to the real world. “Thank you for your concern.”

“It’s what I’m here for.” Dr. Beckett looked Radek over and seemed satisfied with what he saw. “Let me know if your state doesn’t improve?”

“I will.” He would not. Radek had the feeling that this would only get worse before it got better, now that he had acknowledged it. It would take him a great deal of time to pack his feelings away once more.

Dr. Beckett nodded and continued on his way, and Radek did his best to do the same. At least he was no longer stumbling into walls, though his knees were still more unsteady than he liked. Sheer stubbornness had him continuing past the door to his own quarters and out on to one of the many terraces that wrapped around the building. It was a blustery evening, fading into night, and Radek walked into the wind as far and fast as he could manage, his glasses tucked into his pocket and his eyes open very wide, ignoring the twinge of pained memory that reminded him that he had last gone on this walk with Jeannie at his side.

No doubt they would return to their usual routine, in time.

He was not sure what he would do with himself if they did not.

* * *

Jeannie had ruined it. There were no other words for what she’d done. She hadn’t been able to keep her emotions in check, and she had ruined it. She couldn’t look at Radek any more without remembering his mouth on hers, without imagining where the other night would have gone if she hadn’t been determined not to use him the way she had so desperately wanted to.

But it would have been using him. Using him to forget her own broken heart, using him to feel like she was getting back at Kaleb, using him to… well, might as well be honest about it. She’d been celibate for more months than she liked to think about right now, and after years of being a married woman, her fingers alone didn’t get the job done in quite the same way any more. She would have jumped Radek’s bones and enjoyed it, she was sure of it.

At least, until the next morning, when she would have realized why she’d done it and would have hated herself for it.

Of course, she already hated herself for kissing him and ruining any chance she had of pretending that she wasn’t desperately attracted to the man. What harm would a little more self-hatred have done, anyway?

“Jeannie? Hello?”

She snapped her attention back to her brother. “Sorry, you were saying?”

Rodney frowned at her. “This is the fifth time you’ve zoned out. I know you get bored when I start lecturing, but you usually interrupt me when that happens. Something wrong?”

Everything. Everything was wrong. She’d made a wreck of her marriage in pursuit of the work she was doing here, and now she’d made a wreck of the friendship that had been keeping her afloat. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Yeah, that’s not your ‘I’m fine’ face.”

Jeannie bit the inside of her cheek and refused to answer, not even with the snarky “and how would you know?” that had been on the tip of her tongue. To her surprise, Rodney sat silently, just watching her, a look of concern on his face.

“I just… keep making more of a mess of things,” she said grudgingly, turning to the sheet of scratch paper at her elbow, tracing her finger over one of the symbols she had scribbled there.

“Jeannie…”

She couldn’t bear the pity in her brother’s voice and decided to cut him off at the pass, before he said something that would make her feel worse than she already did. “I kissed Radek.”

“Oh.” She glanced up to find a look of shock on Rodney’s face. He blinked twice and frowned at her. “Radek?”

“Yeah.”

“Radek he-and-I-are-only-friends Radek? That Radek?” Rodney’s voice had a note of pompous amusement in it that left her wanting to hit him. Jeannie buried her burning face in her hands, instead.

“Why did I tell you that.”

“No, it’s fine. Radek. You kissed Radek.”

Jeannie reached out and shoved lightly at her brother’s shoulder. “Don’t get hysterical about it, Mer.”

“I _am_ going to have to beat him up for seducing my baby sister. On principle.”

Jeannie snorted. Rodney’s antics weren’t worth much, but at least they were improving her mood. “Did you miss the bit where _I_ kissed _him_?”

“Well. Then I’ll have to beat him up for disappointing you.” Rodney’s brow was furrowed, and he looked more than a little determined to play the overprotective big brother.

“He didn’t disappoint me, Mer.” She bumped her shoulder against his, startling him out of his stern expression. “I disappointed myself.”

“Look. If you like him—“ Rodney held his hand up and stopped her before she could interrupt him. “I know. I know. I’m not someone who can give advice on this sort of thing. But… if you like him… well, you could do a lot worse, Jeannie.” Rodney swallowed hard, suddenly serious. “Do I like the idea of you with him? No. Because he’s Zelenka and you’re my sister. But... he’s a good man.”

“I know.” She sighed. “And that’s the problem. If he weren’t I wouldn’t feel so guilty. Because I’m…” she trailed off, not sure how to put words to her hurt.

“You’re officially divorced now. And as far as you know, that asshole has already shacked up with his new woman.”

A woman who had shown up in the background of some of the recent photos of Madison, but Jeannie wasn’t going to tell her brother that. “That doesn’t matter. Because right now, if anything did happen with Radek, I wouldn’t know if it was because I really wanted it, or if I just wanted to… to feel like I was getting back at Kaleb for moving on so fast.”

“Ah.” Rodney stared off into the middle distance, looking rather as if he were suffering from some sort of brain freeze. “You know what, I don’t think I’m really qualified to have this conversation.”

“And here I thought you were the smartest person in the world,” she teased. “Are you saying there’s a problem that’s beyond even the mind of the great Meredith Rodney McKay?”

“Hey, you know I don’t do people!”

Jeannie laughed and leaned against her brother, and he wrapped his arm around her, hugging her close. “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For being my brother.”

“…yeah, no problem.”

“Promise you won’t beat Radek up?”

“Not a chance.”

Jeannie lifted her head from Rodney’s shoulder and raised a dubious eyebrow. “It’s you I’m worried about, Mer.”

Rodney raised both of his eyebrows in response. “Have you seen the man? He’s tiny!”

Jeannie bit her lower lip, remembering when she had arrived back in Atlantis after finding out about Kaleb’s affair. She had gone straight to Radek’s quarters, looking for a friend, and had found the man half-naked and barely awake, an eyeful she hadn’t been in any mood to appreciate at the time. But in hindsight… “Yeah, I’ve seen him.”

Rodney shot her a scandalized look, obviously picking something of her train of thought up from her tone of voice. “ _Jeannie._ ”

“What?”

“Please, _please_ do not make me imagine _Radek_ of all people naked. I beg of you.”

“He was wearing underpants!”

“That’s worse!”

“Than imagining Radek naked?”

“ _JEANNIE._ ”

Jeannie burst into laughter again, the last vestiges of her bad mood disappearing.

And yeah, maybe some of it had to do with imagining Radek naked.

Yet another thing she wasn’t going to tell her brother.

* * *

If Radek had hated the way Jeannie had chosen to hold herself distant in the week after that strange interlude in the lab, well, he hated this even more. Jeannie seemed to be dealing with the aftermath of pulling him into her quarters and kissing him senseless by ignoring him completely when work matters were not at hand, her request to remain friends notwithstanding.

He missed her. He had grown used to eating his meals with her, to talking about… and that was what was really strange. He could not even remember what they had talked about most of the time, only that he had never been bored in her company.

Ah, he was turning into a miserable old man. That was all that was happening. A miserable old man who was mooning around over a woman both nine years his junior and his coworker, a woman should have been off limits for that latter reason alone, if the boundaries between professional and personal hadn’t become so blurred out here in the Pegasus Galaxy.

“And there we are. Quarterly physical done.” Dr. Beckett pressed a square of gauze into the crook of Radek’s elbow and withdrew the needle. “I’ll get back to you on the results of these tests, but right now it looks like you can remain on active duty. Unless you’ve got some other concern you haven’t told me about.”

Radek took over the job of holding the square of gauze in place while Dr. Beckett disposed of the needle and returned with a fresh square of gauze and some tape. “Thank you. I do not have any other concerns.”

“How’s that emotional distress?” Dr. Beckett asked as he labeled the vials of blood he had just drawn.

Radek almost managed not to flinch. “It has been resolved.” By losing Jeannie even as his friend, apparently.

“Maybe you should make that appointment with Dr. Heightmeyer, all the same.” Dr. Beckett looked up at Radek’s snort. “I’m serious. You only went to one session after your divorce. And you’re the only crew member from the original expedition who has only gone back to Earth once since we got here.”

Was he? He hadn’t realized. “I have my work. And my research. I am content enough.”

“Still, might be good to get a little therapy in. She really does hold doctor/patient confidentiality sacred. It’s the perfect place to complain about your annoying coworkers.” He had shifted to a more personal tone, definitely Carson and not the doctor, and Radek could not resist teasing him.

“Yes, like the very nosy coworker I am dealing with right now.”

Carson shot him a look of chagrin. “I was thinking about Dr. McKay, to be honest. Goodness knows I give her an earful about the man, and I don’t spend nearly as much time working with him as you do.”

Radek sighed. “I am not having any trouble with Dr. McKay.” Or no more than usual, aside from an occasional glare every time Jeannie came over to consult him on a work matter. Surprising, really, after the way Rodney had confronted Radek about spending too much time with Jeannie that once, though he supposed that situation had now resolved itself in a way that had to be much to Rodney’s satisfaction. There was not much else positive to say about the man’s personality, but he was very protective where his sister was concerned.

“So you’re having trouble with the other sibling, then,” Carson said carefully.

That jolted Radek out of his growing irritation with Carson’s meddling questions and straight into a state of shock. “What?”

“There aren’t that many things to gossip about out here, Radek.” Carson raised his eyebrows. “People notice things. And then they jump to conclusions.”

“People should find better things to do with their time,” Radek muttered. Not that he could say that he had not participated in such speculation himself. No, he had often enjoyed such gossip. At least when it was not about him.

“Well, if you want to talk about it...”

“Not particularly, no.” He slid off the end of the examination table. “I may go?”

Carson waved him on his way distractedly, his attention caught by some bit of paperwork, and Radek escaped while he could, deep in a foul mood that did not seem likely to go away any time soon.

Bad enough that he was left feeling this way. But the knowledge that the rest of the base had been paying attention, had been gossiping? Oh, that was intolerable.

It would have been more tolerable if there had been something for them to gossip about. More tolerable if he had had fewer scruples, if he had not recognized in Jeannie the same frantic desperation to be wanted by another person that had come over him in the months after his own marriage had ended. He had worked that desperation out of his system with the assistance of a very kind woman who had had her own demons to exorcise, a relationship that had run its course naturally and had ended entirely when she had transferred back to Earth.

Perhaps he would have been happy enough to be that for Jeannie. Perhaps he would have been able to accept it when her desperation inevitably ran its course. Perhaps they could have even been friends once more, when it was done.

And perhaps he still would have been left hurting like this. No way of knowing, now.

He would just have to live like this.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m going back to Earth next week.” Rodney dropped this bombshell over a lunch that he was eating in his usual hasty way, adding it as an afterthought to a conversation about a major re-wiring project that was happening in one of Atlantis’s towers as part of an attempt to track down and repair several systems that were causing power fluctuations in that part of the city.

“For?” Jeannie pushed chunks of her fake meatloaf listlessly around her plate.

“Dr. Weir has to give an in-person report to the IOA, and I need to give a deposition. I’ll be back in a couple of weeks.” He set his fork down, startling behavior for Rodney when food was still in front of him, and reached across the table to put his hand on Jeannie’s. “You’ll be able to work with Radek while I’m gone?”

“Of course I will.” Jeannie made a face at her brother. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Jeannie, if even I’m noticing how awkward things are between you two, it has to be bad.” He picked his fork up and dug into his own meal once more. “And I don’t want to come back and find out you’ve blown the city up or exposed us to the Wraith or something just because you two couldn’t bear to be in the same room.”

“Atlantis will still be here when you get back. Promise.”

“Yeah, well, it had better be.” He eyed her plate. “You going to eat that?”

Jeannie rolled her eyes and shoved her plate across the table. “All yours. I’m going to get back to work.”

Behind her, she heard the sound of Rodney’s fork scraping a plate and then an irritated “This is the tofu-loaf, isn’t it?”

“Eat up, Mer!” she called back over her shoulder, laughing when the scrape of her brother’s fork started up again. If he was hungry enough to eat tofu, he had to have forgotten his breakfast.

Her cheerful mood dissipated the moment she stepped into the lab and realized that the only other person there was Radek. He glanced up as she entered and almost immediately away, his eyes glued to his laptop screen in a way that made it clear he was purposefully trying not to look at her.

Oh, she hated this. But it was clear that he wasn’t going to make the first move back towards the friendship they had once had. It would be up to her to make the first overture. “Mer says he’s heading back to Earth for a couple of weeks.”

Radek did not look up. “I had heard.”

“I was wondering…”

“I will be spending most of the next few weeks on the other side of the city. They will need my expertise on the rewiring project with Dr. McKay gone. So you do not need to worry about running into me here,” he said brusquely.

“Is that what you want?” Jeannie tried not to sound as lost as she felt and suspected she was failing utterly.

He looked up and met her eye for the first time since she’d entered the lab. He opened his mouth, managed to get out a lingering “I…” but seemed incapable of saying more. His eyebrows twitched upwards, the corners of his mouth turned down, and then his usually expressive face closed itself off, putting up a clear boundary between them as he shook his head and turned back to his laptop.

Of course. What had she expected? After she had spent so many weeks avoiding him, keeping distant even when they were in the same room, how could he not think that she would want him to avoid her as well?

“I’ll see you around, then,” she said, and turned around and left the lab on automatic, currently incapable of coping with that blank look on Radek’s face when he had once been so easy and open with her. She would just have to miss her friend a little longer.

Perhaps by the time he was capable of talking to her once more, she would have forgotten what it felt like to kiss him.

* * *

Radek watched Jeannie’s back as she left the lab and found himself tempted to curse out loud. She had spoken to him casually for the first time in weeks and he had driven her away with his silence.

What was wrong with him? He had not been this paralyzed by the thought of talking to a woman since he had been a teenager.

Carson was right. Perhaps Radek did need to talk to someone who could give him some perspective on the situation.

Perhaps he would make that appointment with Dr. Heightmeyer after all.

It took him the better part of a week to make the appointment, but when he finally did, Dr. Heightmeyer took one look at him and decided to fit him in immediately.

“Ah, no, do not—I can wait until you have an open slot.”

Dr. Heightmeyer eyed him. “Oh, no. You’ve been dodging me for years, and you’ve been through just as many traumatic experiences as everyone else on this base. It’s _way_ past time for us to sit down and have a chat. Preferably a whole series of them.”

“That is not why—“

Dr. Heightmeyer held up one finger to shut him up and put her other hand to her earpiece, and Radek listened in to her side of the conversation. “Major Lorne? Yes, something’s come up. You’re not on another mission until Thursday, right? Then let’s reschedule to Wednesday. Same time.”

Radek resigned himself to the situation and sat down, waiting for Dr. Heightmeyer to finish her conversation with Major Lorne and to make a few notes once she was done.

She looked up, very intent. “So. Dr. Zelenka. Radek?”

He nodded. “Radek is fine.”

“How about you tell me why you _are_ finally here?”

Radek opened and closed his mouth several times, and then let out a string of self-deprecating invective in Czech. “No. Never mind. This was a terrible plan.” He turned away from her and made as if to stand up.

“Does it have something to do with Jean Miller?”

Radek looked back at Dr. Heightmeyer with a frown and sank back into the chair. First Dr. Beckett and now her. “Am I really so transparent?”

Dr. Heightmeyer couldn’t quite hide the smile that quirked the corners of her mouth up. “Dr. Beckett might have mentioned something about it to me in passing. And, well, when two people eat every meal together for months and then suddenly can’t look one another in the eye…”

Radek swore again. That damn gossip chain.

“Tell me about it.” Her face was carefully nonjudgmental, her tone calm.

Radek sighed and tried to figure out where to begin. “I… I could not bear to see her hurting. When she was going through her divorce.” He swallowed hard. “And I knew…” the words cut themselves off in a throat too tight to vocalize them.

“You remembered what it was like,” Dr. Heightmeyer suggested.

“Yes.”

“You bonded over that?”

“Yes.”

“And then?”

“Things… developed.” He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, and removed his glasses so that he could rub a hand over his face. “And then they did not.”

“You want to tell me more about that?”

“I… had reservations.” Might as well say the words, even if he felt like an idiot saying them. “I like her. I really…” he let out another sigh. “I really _like_ her.” He had just realized that he loved her, but that felt too close and careful a secret to reveal to anyone.

“But you had reservations.”

“After my divorce, I… I had a relationship with Dr. Klein. A very, hm, passionate one while it lasted, but once it was over… It meant nothing, in the end. Just a way to remind myself that I could be wanted by someone.” His voice sounded very hoarse, even to his own ears. “But now, I think I have reached a point where…”

“Where?” Dr. Heightmeyer prompted gently when he found himself unable to continue once more.

“I think that I am lonely?” The question came out hesitant, his own uncertainty about his own feelings making itself known. His research occupied much of his time, and he had friends among the other members of the expedition, but now that he had voiced the thought he felt it. “And I think that I would like my next relationship to be one that lasts.” And he would like it to be with Jeannie, if she would have him, a realization that sent a jolt of terror through him.

“Have you spoken to Jean about this?”

He whipped his head up so fast it began to spin and squinted at Dr. Heightmeyer’s blurry form before shoving his glasses back on his face. “How would I even start? What am I supposed to say?”

“What you just said to me.” Dr. Heightmeyer said, soft amusement present on her face and in her voice.

Could it be that simple?

And if Jeannie was in the same state he had been in after his divorce and only looking for something temporary, could he bear the thought that she might seek that release with someone else?

“I will try.”

Dr. Heightmeyer rubbed her hands together briefly and looked very satisfied with herself. “Excellent. Now, we’ve still got another half an hour, so how about we dig in to the rest of your time here in Atlantis?”

Radek groaned and sagged forward over his knees once more. “Please, I have engaged in enough enlightening self-reflection for one day.”

Dr. Heightmeyer laughed. “Fine, I’ll set you loose, but only if you make another appointment before you go.”

Radek rolled his eyes. “If I must.”

“You must.”

* * *

Jeannie hadn’t been an engineer when she’d joined the Atlantis expedition, but more than a year after her first visit and she was starting to pick up the basics. Enough to be useful on the rewiring project, at least. And right now she wanted to get her hands dirty with some physical task that wouldn’t require her to think too much. She’d been staring at a computer screen for far too long.

And all right, so maybe there was another reason. She hadn’t seen Radek for more than a week, but that morning she had passed him in the mess hall and he had managed to greet her with a small smile and a “Good morning, Jeannie.” She had been too startled at the time to respond in kind and had been kicking herself for it all day, until even the trickiest bits of her current work could not hold her attention.

She found Radek with his torso stuffed through a hole in the wall and crouched down at his side. He muttered something quiet in Czech and began groping towards a screwdriver that had rolled out of his reach, and Jeannie picked it up and set it in his hand.

“Thank you.” There was the sound of things being shuffled around inside the wall, and a small grunt as he exerted himself doing whatever it was he was in the wall doing, and then he wiggled his way back out of the hole. His eyes widened as he caught sight of Jeannie, and he hastily pulled off his headlamp and sat up. “You were looking for me?” His voice had taken on a high, frantic pitch, one sign among many that he wasn’t quite comfortable with her any more.

But he had managed to smile at her that morning, so she had to try.

Jeannie opened her mouth to respond and couldn’t manage to get anything out other than a small squeak. She cleared her throat and tried again, aware that the silence after Radek’s question had already stretched into an awkward one, and even more aware of how close his face was to hers now that he was no longer flat on his back. “I was wondering if there was something I could work on up here for a bit.”

Radek swallowed hard. “Of course. Let me just…” He scooted away from her and scrambled for his laptop, balancing it on his crossed legs. “You did not see anyone else? I thought that Dr. Smith was working down the hall.”

“I think she went to get some dinner.” Jeannie shuffled closer to Radek, peering over his shoulder at his laptop screen. “Have you eaten yet?”

“Just a protein bar. I have been in the middle of a rather delicate bit of wiring.” And his voice sounded almost normal now, thank goodness. “It goes through that wall and into… well, I have not yet figured out what it goes into,” he said, exasperation wiping out the last of the awkwardness. “Something that draws power, certainly, but the schematics we have for this part of the city are a bit out of date.”

“Less out of date now than they were when you started this project, I bet.”

Radek’s posture changed, betraying what she suspected was more than a little pride in his work. “Yes, well. Just doing my job.” But his voice betrayed that pride she’d suspected him of, pride in work well done.

She wanted to kiss him again.

Jeannie cleared her throat and returned her attention to his laptop screen, jerking her eyes away from where they had been glued to a spot just beneath his ear that looked very kissable. “How about I take a look at what you’ve been working on? You could go grab yourself a proper meal.”

“Mm.” He reached up and rubbed his hand over his chin contemplatively. “No offense meant, but you are still new to this kind of work. Better to have you work on something a bit simpler, yes?” He glanced over his shoulder and started away from her as he realized how close she’d come to him. “And better to not leave you unsupervised,” he added breathlessly.

“It’s not like I’m stupid enough to touch a live wire.”

This got her a wide-eyed, stricken look from Radek. “Not a good joke,” he said hoarsely.

She was definitely going to kiss him again, worries about whether or not she would be using him if she did be damned. “Radek?”

He did not seem to be able to look away from her. And he seemed to know what she was asking; he gave her a swift, jerky little nod and set his laptop to one side without looking where he was putting it. Jeannie leaned forward and he twisted awkwardly to meet her, his mouth opening against hers on a soft sigh of breath.

She had no idea what this would turn into, but right now, that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Radek did not seem to be in any hurry at all to push her away. No, he was pulling her closer, his arm around her waist, tugging her just upright enough to pull her into his lap. He kissed her like a desperate man, like he was trying to cram an entire lifetime into those brief, frantic minutes.

Jeannie couldn’t blame him. She was kissing him the same way.

She broke away for a deep, panting breath, pressed her forehead to Radek’s, let out a breathless laugh at the sight of his fogged-over glasses.

“I promise to be a very good revenge,” he murmured, before burying his face against her throat, pressing a hot kiss to where her pulse thrummed fast and desperate beneath her skin.

Jeannie shook her head. “No. I don’t know what this is, but it isn’t that.” She nuzzled his hair. “I just want _you_ , Radek.” Enough to set aside common sense and make out with him on the floor of a semi-public hallway, apparently.

He lifted his head from her neck and looked at her over the top of his glasses, which were still fogged over. “I am not a very good bargain.”

She brushed a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Nonsense.”

“I am older than you. And I am not good with children.” And he sounded faintly miserable as he said the words.

“I can work with that,” she said quietly. “As long as you’re willing to try.”

“For you I think I would be willing to try a great deal,” he murmured, his eyes darting from her face down to her body. “I suspect you are far too good for me.”

“My brother certainly thinks so.”

Radek rolled his eyes. “Please. I would rather not hear any mention of Rodney McKay.” He swallowed hard and looked down again as he slid a hand up her ribcage in order to cup one of her breasts through her shirt. “Especially not when I am thinking of doing some truly depraved things to his sister in a hallway,” he added in a low murmur.

Jeannie had a hard time not laughing at the intent expression on Radek’s face as he stared down at her chest. “Depraved?”

Radek blushed. “Perhaps not the right word. But it has been some time since I last had company other than my own hand, and I find…” His other hand slid down her spine and came to rest in the small of her back, trembling against her as if he were feeling hard-pressed to not grope at her ass. “Jeannie, can we find a bedroom? Quickly?”

“I’ve got condoms in mine.” And she was pretty sure they hadn’t expired yet. She’d gotten them from the infirmary after the first time she’d kissed Radek, just in case. Just in case he came to her again. Just in case she was unable to resist him.

And it turned out that she was completely incapable of resisting him.

He let out a low stream of curses in Czech and capped it off with a “Yes, please, immediately,” that had her on the verge of laughing once more.

She jerked her head towards the hole in the wall. “You at a stopping point with that?”

He nodded frantically.

They went.

* * *

Radek tried not to touch Jeannie as they made their way to her room. He was too desperate for her to trust himself. Too desperate for her to have the difficult conversation they needed to have and too desperate to care.

Jeannie did not seem to be putting any similar restrictions on herself. She pulled him into dark corners twice along the way, ostensibly to hide from other people but more importantly to press him up against a wall and kiss him, her hands fisted in the fabric of his shirt. He felt he was rather too old for shenanigans of that sort, but that did not stop him from appreciating them all the same.

But finally, they were in her quarters, the door locked behind them. Finally, he gave himself leave to touch her again, to feel out the gentle curve of her waist, to slide his hands down to her backside as he pulled her body tight against his. Jeannie laughed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her fingers in his hair and tugging lightly at it in a way that was briefly painful and extremely pleasant.

He pressed his forehead to hers and looked her carefully in the eye. “You are certain?”

She smiled. “Radek…”

“Because if you find that you do not wish to do this, I will go. Even now. Even—” and then Jeannie’s mouth was on his, all of his breath leaving him in a rush as she kissed him into silence.

“I’ve missed you,” she said when they broke apart to catch their breath, her lips still close enough to brush against his. “And I like you more than I have words for. And I definitely want you.”

“I can work with that,” he murmured back at her, an echo of her earlier words. “Jeannie, I…”

“You don’t have to say it.” Her mouth was against his throat, her fingers at his waist, busily untucking his shirt. He gasped as she slid her hands up the bare skin of his chest and set that thought aside for now, rushing to reciprocate, sliding a hand up under the hem of her shirt and stroking fingers across the soft skin of her lower back.

He would take his time later, if they were given a later. For now he would settle for fast and frantic. For now he would settle for her skin warm against his, for their mutual urgency, for this spark that was all too quickly turning into a conflagration that would burn them both if they were not careful.

The words he had tried to say came back to him once they were naked and in her bed, as he pulled her over him, as she sank onto him, as she planted her hands on either side of his face and lowered her body over his.

“I love you,” he rasped softly, seizing her face in his hands and pulling her into a kiss. “I love you,” he said again, pressing kisses to the curve of her eyebrow, the tip of her nose, the corner of her mouth as she started moving over him, as he thrust back up against her.

She did not respond in kind, but she did not reject those words either, and for now, that was hope enough.

* * *

Jeannie woke feeling better rested than she had in months, pretty sure it had something to do with the man tucked close by her side in her narrow bed. She rolled over to face him, smiling at the sound of his whispery snore, at his face slack with sleep. She reached up and traced her finger down his cheek into the rough stubble on his jaw, following a line that she knew creased into a wrinkle when he smiled.

His jaw twitched and stiffened and he let out an undignified little snort, and then his eyes opened, slow at first and then faster, darting from the ceiling to her face. “Jeannie.”

“Good morning.”

A little smile curved up the corner of his mouth and that line she had traced creased, a web of wrinkles at the corners of his eyes joining it. “Good morning.”

She traced her finger along his collarbone. “Thank you for staying last night.”

His eyes were intent on her face, studying her, as if trying to understand something. “I wanted to.” He swallowed hard. “Jeannie, I…”

She pressed her fingers to his mouth and he stopped trying to talk. “Let me go first.”

His lips curved into a smile against her fingers before he pressed a kiss against them. “All right,” he murmured, the words half-muffled by her touch.

“All right,” she echoed, and then bit her lower lip, trying to find words for what she needed to say. “I’m sorry,” she blurted out first, the words tumbling out of her mouth in a rush. “I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did after I… I’m a mess right now, Radek.”

He put his hand over hers, where her fingers were still pressed against his lips, and clasped it lightly, lifting it enough to press a kiss to her palm. “I had noticed.”

“But that doesn’t mean…” And she thought about the way Radek had still assumed that her being with him was a revenge of sorts against her ex-husband and her heart seized in her chest. “I think… I want this to last. I want this to mean something. I don’t want you to think—“

He dropped her hand to his chest and cut her off with a small gesture. “Jeannie.” And then a smile creased his cheeks again, brighter and broader than any she had ever seen on his face, but all he seemed to be able to do was say her name again. “ _Jeannie_.”

“So maybe I just want to know if you really meant it last night,” she managed to get out breathlessly. “When you said that you love me.”

He laughed, sounding as breathless as she was herself. “Do I need to say it again? I love you.” And his hands were on her face and his mouth against hers, a passionate kiss that stole the rest of the breath in her lungs. “I love you,” he said again. “And I will say it as many times as you need me to.”

“That’s good. Because I probably love you too.”

He snorted. “Probably?”

“Definitely. I definitely love you.”

The smile on Radek’s face could have lit the entire city. “Good.”

And then his mouth was on hers once more, and for a very long time after neither of them had the breath for any more words at all.


End file.
